I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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