Your mouth is God's brothel.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize