I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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