Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
