So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
