Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
