That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
