shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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