Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
