i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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