I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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