I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
