I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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