i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
