meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
