I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Jerry, you need to find god
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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