Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
