is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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