OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
