if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
