yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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