2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dicks are not precious.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
