can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
