hell yes lets make some ravioli
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
