Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
