It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
