she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
