I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
