Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
