Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
