two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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