I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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