If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
