im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
