If that was your dad, he is hot
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
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