i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
