Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
