On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
