I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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