I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Damn victory sex feels great
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
