Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
