Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
