Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
