My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
