the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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