i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
