Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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