Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
