One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
