we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
