He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
