Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
