hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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