Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
