real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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