You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
