Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
