My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Randomize
