The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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