whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
