shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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