dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
