I'm so fucking centered right now
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
