There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
