So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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