At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
