her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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