apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
