worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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