he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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