I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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