Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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