He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
