there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
